I appreciate you taking the time to share your insights. Thank you for the warm welcome!
You seem to be searching for something in an active way.
Not while meditating; while evaluating my experience afterwards. I confess I have some expectations–or I wouldn’t have any compelling reason to meditate. But I suspend them while meditating.
But what we all seek, awareness itself, becomes apparent naturally as we learn to relax and let go of expectations and preconceived notions
I can suspend interpretations of my experiences inside or outside of meditation, and maintain “bare attention”, more-or-less at-will. Not a problem.
You might object: but how do you know that if you’re not aware of your own state of awareness? I have SOME ability, especially when my mind is calm…I don’t think I’m exercising it much while meditating…certainly not enough to actively maintain it while NOT meditating. I am aware that some people can maintain awareness of awareness as they fall asleep, go through a lucid dream state–and then even maintain it in deep, dreamless sleep. I know that they are reporting accurately, because scientists can monitor their brain waves, and spot a secondary alpha or beta wave while their brains are producing primarily delta waves. That’s their conscious awareness witnessing while they are in deep sleep!
The point is not to reproduce what sounds like a fakir’s parlor-trick. The point is that the same phenomenon can be useful in waking states.