My name is Ana, I live in London and this is my story: Im writing in one of the saddest moments of my life, it might look strange to you, superficial and selfish, compared with all the horror that is happening in the world. I agree, but today I had my heat ripped out and I don’t know what else to do…
Some time ago I read that mr. Walid Jumblat hosted a party, welcoming Mr. Clooney to the Druze community, and that he expressed his hope that the Druze community would be more open. As a Druze Leader I see that as a very strong statement and I join in that prayer with all my heart, today more than ever. Mr. Jumblat is also married to a non Druze woman, he was granted the permission to do so, and I wander why everyone else can’t do the same.
The man I love with all my heart and soul, is a Druze, I will call him RM, because I have promised I would never expose him and I aim to keep that promise. If I do, that might cost him loosing his family back in Syria, and (so he told me) his family will loose their position and be totally excluded from the Druze society because of him, that in the Syrian case, is one of the most traditionalist.
RM has left me. He had tears in his eyes and shaking when he said that if there where 1% chance for this to work he will have no doubt to come back to me. He needs to get ready to get married to fulfil his family’s wish and commend of being a good Druze. He will have a family and share his life with someone that he doesn’t even know yet, but she is a Druze, and for that more worthy?. During my research I also found out that there is not one single Druze holly script that states the prohibition of inter religious marriage. It is actually just a social convention. Right now there is nothing more I wish than to have the chance to prove to the Druze community that I’m worthy, if not for conversion, to be a good Druze wife and honour their values (most of them are same as mine) and costumes… RM has told me about their beliefs, I regret that I can’t speak Arabic (yet) to read all the books. I found it truly fascinating how many things make sense to me. I was born in Uruguay, all my family were from the Frente Amplio, for the ones that don’t know that is part of the left wing party, many of them spend many years in prison during the dictatorship, being tortured every day…. fighting for what is right is what I have been brought up with. My family and I fled the country when I was a baby, and since then I have just being moving around the world. I usually say that my roots are in a pot that I carry under my arm… I don’t belong anywhere, never quite fit anyway.
Because of so much violence and scars… those that you can’t see because they are in the soul… I have chosen a different path to apply my values: kindness and love, tolerance and my weapon of “of mass construction” is knowledge. “The pen is in thy hands, write and fear not”… I have studied many religions I believe in many things. but the one that is universal and a constant pattern is Love.
I never in my life dreamed that I will be where I am today… and seen so much. It surprised me to cross paths with a soul like RM, I really thought they didn’t exist. I always thought that i would be a lonely wolf the rest of my life… But when you look into someones eyes that understands your pain, that makes you feel that you can do anything and gives you the confidence to find home wherever you are standing, things change. He changed me, make me better person. Showed me that even the smallest things make the difference in trying to make this world in pain a better place, he showed me love in the purest form I have experienced it. Honest and simple.
Today I bleed, my body aches and I wish God/ universe or whatever you decide to call it…would just take me so I don’t need to feel this anymore, not because I can’t see him, but because I saw his pain. He is not having the freedom to choose whom he wants to love and share his life with, because his parents say so. And it is their way or he can pretend they are all dead.
We are not hurting any one, on the contrary… spreading love is a way to cure this sick world.
I know it is a hard battle, probably impossible, but I rather die trying to make the change, than giving up. There has always been one person that started the change… man or woman…
I read about many things, more exactly… everything I could get hold of about Druze. One of those things was about the Divine call.
I also came to the understanding that Druzism is not a ritualistic or ceremonial religion; its all about tracking the Spiritual thread of Gnosis that connects all religions and philosophies together since Atlantis and the dawn of time. So basically, there are no steps or set of measures to be done to become more or less Druze apart from grasping the doctrines and the philosophical and theological resources which fortify it. Many Druze I have encounter are open minded and understanding, even married with outsiders (non Syrian though) Unfortunately is not the case of RM’s family.
I want to help, I need to do something about it. This knowledge is important, and to my surprise many of the Druze i know here inLondon are not aware of what this really is about. I believe there is a way to have a more just and free world, and that include religion too. What can I do to help? My heart or what is left of it belongs to a Druze.
My aim with this is to reach the ears of those whom refuse to listen. I would love to sit down with Mr. Jumblat and have a chat over a coffee… or even with RM’s father.
I will pray for you, and please if you have a minute let me know your thoughts. Thanks you for taking the time to read this.