I’m not sure how I feel about karma because I’m trying to associate it with my own experiences. However you have explained your view of “thought, presence and karma” effectively.
I’ve enjoyed reading the examples you used to describe though presence and karma. I have a story of my own and this may help you get a better understanding of why I am confused about life & purpose.
17 years ago musculoskeletal/back injury occurred, I was referred for physiotherapy. I made a link and associated physiotherapy with “yoga”. I started to do yoga, it became one of my everyday “morning” rituals along with swimming and prayer. Sometime after, I can’t remember the exact date or year (6 months to a year) I experienced what I believe to be “higher consciousness” (the awakening). I was in the pool and while I was swimming my hand hit the lane segregation rods and I lost control, I went under, and believed I had died for a minute or so. My consciousness indicated I had gone for about 50 years, I went into light and I traveled amongst other light particles, my journey was 50 years before “I choose” to leave the light and return. On my journey back into my body “the whole world” and its affairs, “past, present and future” entred my head, the knowledge was given to me, I became intelligent. I’m not saying i wasn’t intellegent before, I’m someone who left school with no qualifications, if you know what I mean?
Since this experience “I feel everything”, I feel the ground, I feel the trees, I feel everything.
I don’t know why this has happened to me because there are also many other struggles in my life as you know. I honestly thought if you reached higher consciousness you live a happy life with no problems to deal with.
I am happy, I’m not an angry kind of person, i tend to get frustrated rather than anger. Frustration doesn’t last long because I live in the “here and now”. I can’t understand why I’m going through hardships this is what prompts me to think maybe I should become “monk like” and isolate myself.
I understand your explanation of “thought, presence and karma”. If the injury didn’t happen then I would not have reached higher consciousness. Everything that happens has a purpose. I am still clueless as to what my propose is.
I left work because the bullying at work got too much for me to handle on my own, I went to a bhuddist centre and spoke to someone. They thought that maybe I was supposed to change the department from within. It had already got to the stage where I needed to leave. So I left.
I’m moving onto “life purpose and goals” now. I’ve never had any ambitions, when it comes to choosing a career I become stuck.
Business did cross my mind 9 years ago, I have a fashion related background, this has never taken off because I don’t have a supportive family or supportive friends. I tried used social media and I put some pictures of my dresses on Facebook in the past nobody I knew not even my own family hit that like button. One of my friends said, people are shopping in “primark” now, where you can pick up very cheap clothing.
For this reason I thought maybe “business” was not the right step for me. I would not be able to complete with retail outlets. I have no financial backing either.
Trying to make sense of everything I am experiencing in this life with the awakening experience has confused me, hence sometimes I feel like locking myself away like Buddhist monks something I find easy to do because I’ve always been detached from people.
What hurts is that I have noticed how people have isolated me because they know of my circumstances, I’ve not moved fawards in any area of my life in this material world and they have.
I suppose what is really bothering me is that I didn’t know “enlightenment & awakening” could show someone so much horrors of the political world and how it effects people right on their own doorsteps.
As for leisure centres, they’re not very nice places anymore. You have people spitting in swimming pools, I have also recently learned chlorine does not kill all germs. I no longer go. Fitness classes are no better Muslims with extreme views attend them and some of their comments bother me, the vast majority are prejudiced and what they do not understand they “put down”, (btw I am Muslim) I’d rather not be around anymore bad company. I’ve had enough of bad company (my ex employer) lol
I can’t afford to travel out of my current location everyday and pay a leisure centre, so yes I am feeling quite stuck however not completely stuck because I go jogging everyday and I try to do yoga at home at least once a week (not at the moment I’m fasting).
I think I’m a little lost, because i can’t meet the “right people” due to my circumstances.
What I have learned from reading your post is that maybe I need to change the way I “think” and change my “spontaneous actions” when facing challenging individuals.
May I add, I love reading your posts, you have a wonderful way of explaining things in simple form. ❤️